Everytime we touch
by Vahkhiin
Summary: In the night she saw the yellow blinking stars, the silent moon, and then she saw him. Cloud Strife. There was never an end, only the beginning to a new story. She wished, she knew, he wished, but didn't know. Clotif.


_ - There was never an end, only the beginning to a new story -   
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The stars, they were always there to stare at. Their yellow blinking lights watched the night pass, alongside the clouds that swayed when the wind blew. To put it simple, it was relaxing to watch the sky. The sun as it descends into the horizon, and soon later darkness falls, and all that is left are those blinking yellow stars lost in a heap of blackness. They are so far into the sky that only in dreams could you touch them. Usually they were warm against the touch, and if one looked deep enough, you'd see the one your heart truly loves.

Out of no where a bright yellow light pierced through the sky, descending somewhere down into the horizon in the north. It was moments like this when she recalled, 'When you see a shooting star, make a wish and it'll come true.'

And she did, she made a wish.

She wished for him.

A man who she knew would be the only one who could make her dreams a reality. Though, he never saw through the light. He never saw straight through to her. His eyes were always shielded from the truth. Not even the stars could change that. But she still wished, with her heart and her soul, for a singular wish. Of him.

"Tifa," a small voice awoke her from her dreams.

She looked down to the side and saw the familiar boy sitting there beside her. Sometimes, it was times like this that she realized she wasn't really all alone. Even though she had dreamed of him, and though he was never there, she had others beside her. She had two kids, a girl and a boy. Not many years separating their different ages, but put together, their age could almost make hers. It was perfect in a way, having one boy and one girl. Sometimes when she needed a good girl moment, she shared it with Marlene, and when she needed someone to talk too, she shared it with Denzel.

"I know.. I know.." she held onto that last pitch in her voice and strung it till it faded. "I shouldn't think too much huh?" she asked and arched her brows slightly.

He nodded and smiled warmly, "Only think if you need to think. Don't think if you don't need too," he told her.

Childish wisdom. It was one of the things that always got to her and make her think about life itself. Almost as ironic as it sounded, sometimes childish wisdom made more sense than adult wisdom. An adult would look at an old oak tree and state that it was purely just a tree that was old, whilst a child would look at it and see each and every corner of bark, the old ones that are whitish brown to those which are rich in brown.

_I still feel your touch in my dreams_

Adults would say, 'it is an old oak tree, quiet and unique, it is ancient' and a child would say, 'a grandfather that has seen more than one ever would'. Then again, children always saw more than adults did. They had a guardian angel, who guided them even when they didn't know. But somewhere there was an angel, a white feathered winged angel who guided a child into the world of adults.

She wouldn't really understand the whole concept to childish wisdom, but there was one thing she knew, and that was to listen to a child's words, for they made more sense than any other words from a fully grown human's mouth. It was always the simple words that made more sense. It didn't take long words to describe one meaning.

Like love. It was a small word that meant every inch of feeling in a persons heart. Love was pain and happiness too, and somewhere within it, there was wholeness. A side in which not many ever found lurking in their heart. It was only found when one loved, or in other words, learned how to love. Without learning, you couldn't write or think.

"Is he ever coming back?" Denzel asked. It was a question that he never asked before. Well, granted that _he _had been gone for almost a week now; the longest _he_ had ever been away.

"Maybe he's never coming back," Tifa replied simply.

"But I thought you said-"

"Yes I know what I said earlier," she shot back fast. "It's just; you can't get every happy ending you want."

"Yeah, but life isn't fair without happy endings," Denzel whined slightly.

She let out a small laugh and lifted her hand to brush back his hair. "Well, if Cloud doesn't want a happy ending, then that's his problem," she felt her heart ache even more as she kept on speaking. "It doesn't mean we can have fun without him," she tried so hard to be happy.

But in the end, even her happiness wasn't there anymore. There was only false happiness, and it was present in most of her smiles. She forced her smiles for them, for Denzel and for Marlene. They deserved a happy life, and even though she struggled with her own life, she still made it a point to smile for them. There were only two smiles that she had, one was when she had met _him, _and the other when she met these two kids. The smile which she had kept for _him, _never really appeared again when all this had happened. It deserted her, and left to the wholeness locked up in her heart.

"It doesn't mean we should have fun without him either Tifa," Denzel added. It was the truth; she did feel sad that Cloud wasn't there to join them. Then again, he was never really there, even when he was. Up in his room was where he always was, or sometimes he would sit at the bar and just stare into blank space.

She just never knew why he didn't love her. Couldn't he see? His one and only best friend, the one who he was friends with from the very beginning. She was the girl who he protected and stood beside in each single battle. Didn't he recognize what she had done for him all those years? Did he even remember what happened in the Life stream? Had he forgotten it all?

"There you are," Marlene's voice became evident behind them.

They turned around and saw the little girl standing there; she gave them both a smile and then sat down beside Denzel.

"What took you so long?" Denzel asked as if annoyed.

She stuck her tongue out at the older boy. "I was quietly colouring upstairs, then I heard something and decided to come down and have a look, then I saw you two at the door," she answered.

"Well you didn't miss much, we're just sitting here," Tifa answered shortly; never taking her eyes off the pavement.

The cars seem to amaze her. There weren't many, just a few here and there. Occasionally she'd see some of her customers and they'd wave as they went by. At least she wasn't completely alone in the world. She had people who valued her, more than he ever could. But that was the problem; she only wanted to be valued by one person. Him.

_Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why _

"Hello ya'll," a familiar customer stepped up the step and gave them a hand shake each. He was bold, a bit round in the stomach. His facial hair covered most of his mouth, so when he spoke, only then could you see his mouth. His clothes weren't exactly clean either, with the bits of mud smudged on it. But he was pretty average looking in the city of Midgar. There wasn't another person that didn't have the similar smudgy look like him.

"Having a good weekend Tifa?" he asked with a broad grin.

She nodded with a small smile. "Sure thing Mr Radey," she answered.

"Always calling me that," he shook his head in disbelief, "Just call me Jack, Mr Radey makes me sound old," he grimaced.

"Nah, not a day over 20," Tifa added with a wink.

Jack rolled his eyes, "Well hope you're having a great weekend," he smiled and gave a wink to Denzel and Marlene.

"And you?" Tifa asked in return.

He nodded and scratched his chin, "Yeah, not to bad either. Had me son visit yesterday, was nice to see him again after so long," his face suddenly lit up with a smile, "did I tell ya, I'm a grand dad."

"Congratulations," she beamed and gave him a hand shake. "The big Grand Dad huh?"

He beamed, "Right you are," he rustled Denzel's hair for a moment. "You remind me of me son when e' was only 10."

"I'm 10 too," Denzel answered with a small smile.

"You're a good looking fellow too," The man added. "Best to keep the looks up son, the lady's will be chasing soon.."

"I don't want to even imagine what the teenage years will be like," Tifa laughed softly.

"Well, the thing is, ya got it good Tifa. This lad won't hurt a fly when he's a teen, right kid?" he asked.

Denzel smiled wearily and nodded.

"And you make sure he lives by his agreement," The man smiled to Marlene.

"Yes Sir," she saluted.

He turned to Tifa. "Fine kids you have here. Don't think I've ever met them before," he smiled. "I should come around more; I bet it's you and that bloke huh?"

"No I-"

"Ahh.. we all know the real truth," the man laughed and waved his hand in her face. "But still, they say when a child lives with a person for long, he or she begins to look like them too. Don't have to hide it from us. This young lad got his looks from that bloke, and she's got her beauty from you, doesn't take a blind man to figure that out."

She felt the stares of Denzel and Marlene burning a hole into her head. But somehow, it felt right. The thought did seem to make her happier. It lifted her spirits for some reason. To be a mother. Though she wasn't a real mother, she was still a substitute mother. That was better than nothing right?

"Well, I best be going, have a good day," Jack smiled and left.

_Without you it's hard to survive. _

Being a mother had crossed her mind once. She wouldn't mind having a child which she could call her own. It would be heart warming, to know that a piece of you lived on even after you passed. Not only that, but also to watch him or her grow up into something more beautiful and perfect than herself. Then again, she didn't have anyone to have children with. Maybe she would have to settle with Denzel and Marlene. They weren't that bad, after all sometimes she often thought of them as her own kids.

"Why didn't you object about Cloud?" Denzel asked.

She didn't answer.

"That sounded really nice actually," Marlene added. "I mean, you're basically like our mum Tifa."

She couldn't help but smile. "I wouldn't mind."

"I've always wanted.." she trailed off.

"Wanted…" Denzel dawdled.

"To be a mother," she said it. The thought that made her heart rate increase and her mind softened. She wanted to be a mother, at least just once. Just so that she could say that she gave life, and helped bring it into the world.

"Then, why don't you?" Denzel asked. "I hope it's a boy," he beamed, "Then we can play all day long."

"No," Marlene squealed. "A girl so we can play dress up."

"Eww.. Noo," Denzel argued back. "We can play running, and we can annoy you."

"No, we can dress you up," Marlene argued.

"Never in a million years."

"Yeah well, theres no such thing as living in a million years. Get your facts straight Denzel."

"Huh? That makes no sense."

"Grr.. Leave me alone," Marlene stuck her tongue out.

Denzel halted his words and turned to the quiet woman who still sat there staring, "Tifa?"

She didn't answer at first, but instead turned slowly and gazed over him, "I would like that Denzel, more than anything in the world," she smiled warmly.

"But you can't?" he asked.

"I can't move on," she buried her head in her hands. "No matter how hard I try, I can't forget him. Everyone's moved on; even Yuffie found someone and moved on. But I'm still here," she trailed off, "Alone."

"You've got us," Marlene replied. "Right?"

"I know that I've got you two," she replied, "But I want that chance to love.."

"Oh.." was Denzel's short whisper.

She wanted a hand that she could take when she fell down or a place of warmth when she needed comfort. There was nothing more comforting than being lost in _his _arms forever, and to always have a chance to take a whiff of his loving scent. It would seal the doors of confusion in her heart if she woke every morning with a warm body beside her. She wanted to feel safe and secure; to cuddle him when she needed something warm to hold. All she ever wanted was him, which was all she wanted. She didn't really need anything else, not the security, or the warmth, or the hand. If only she could live with the fact that he loved her too, that was all she wanted. If only she could experience that just once.

_Your arms are my castle; your heart is my sky. They wipe away tears that I cry. _

"It seems like the closest person to me, is now the furthest away," she added softly.

So far away that even she didn't know where he was. For all she knew, he could have been dead. Lying in some ditch somewhere. She called him, she always did. To make sure that he was safe out there. But he never answered, he never returned her calls. Maybe she was tired of waiting, tired of being filled with confusion and rejection. Maybe it was time she moved on.

"Cloud," Marlene asked, but she didn't answer.

She heard nothing, not even a whisper from the two kids. It was strange, that even at a time like this, childish wisdom was just not right. She felt Denzel's warm hand slipping away, and the warmth radiating from him fading too. They were all leaving her now, weren't they? Leaving her to her dark hole. So that she could shrivel up in sadness and never get to see daylight again?

"No," a voice spoke, a bolder and masculine voice replied, "that person's isn't far away anymore, he's going to stay right here."

"This could always be a dream," she remarked, her head still buried in her hands. "I dream a lot, this could just be another one of them."

"It isn't," she felt a warm hand slipping onto her shoulder.

She had nothing to lose anymore. So therefore she looked up. It was the last thing she expected. Why was it that when she finally was on the edge of giving up, he'd be there to hold her back? Why did he always do this? Everytime when she was ready to give up, he was always there. Always there to stop her. Did he still remember the promise? Those words which he spoke to her long ago? He probably didn't. Why would he? It's not like she ever mattered to him.

_The good and the bad times we've been through them all and you are always there to make me rise when I fall._

He stood there, with his original blonde hair sticking up in every direction. His blue eyes softer and gentler as each second passed. He looked different, like he had found a part of him that was missing. He didn't look sad, nor did he look like he wanted forgiveness. But right there, she saw something. That was an emotion which she never knew he could even feel. How did he get it? Did he pick it up one night or did he see something? Possibly talked to someone, met someone? Her heart raced with endless thoughts. Had he met someone in that week? Was he here to tell her that he had found someone to love? No, that couldn't be right, he couldn't be so cruel. Then again, he had been cruel to her all these years what's another few more?

She looked to the side and no longer saw Denzel and Marlene sitting there. Had they gone the minute they saw him? Or did he tell them to go? Either way, she didn't care. All she wanted right now was to tell him off for all the pain he caused. She simply couldn't take it anymore. She had kept it all in for so many years, it was time she lifted the burden. So that she could smile more.

"Not a dream Tifa," his touch shifted from shoulder to cheek.

"What are you.. what are you doing here?" she stumbled across her words and backed away from his hand.

She watched his hand dropping back to his side, "I.." he was just like his usual self. Always lost for words.

"You?" she drew on the last pitch. Waiting eagerly to hear what he had to say. His confession was all she needed. A good old apology. Maybe even a 'Hi Tifa, sorry been away so long. I'm back to stay now.' She wished it were that simple. A sorry didn't really take away all the pain now. It wasn't enough to make her smile like she once did a long time ago.

"I came back," he stated the obvious.

No matter how much she wanted him to change. He would always be Cloud. The quiet, arrogant man who never really knew that he as the core to all her pain.

"I can't do this anymore," she stood up. The step which she sat gave her an upper level on him. She stared down cast at him. "You should just leave and don't come back, it's not easy you know," she ended it there and walked into the house, shutting the door behind her.

"Tifa," knocked the door several times. "I don't want to leave anymore."

"You don't want! What about what I want Cloud?" she shouted back furiously. "There isn't a day or two that passes when you don't cause pain." Was she, crying?

"Pain? No I.." His voice was softer, quieter in fact.

"You hurt me more than anyone ever could, just leave us alone," her voice softened, "just leave me alone," she finished in a whisper.

"Tifa I'm sorry but I-" she heard him pleading.

"Sorry doesn't cut it," she could feel the raw knife ripping her heart to shreds.

"Sorry can't take the pain away Cloud. Once the pain is there, it doesn't really go away. I don't even know why you bother carrying it around, it's not like you even answer it," she said furiously, "Why do you even bother coming back, only to leave again? Do you know what it's like for Denzel and Marlene? Do you know what it's like to tell them that Cloud has left again? It isn't easy," she muttered disgustingly, "They ask me when you will come back, and heck I don't even know Cloud. They ask me why, and what do I answer, that you're chasing something that doesn't exist anymore?" her energy was drained as she leaned her forehead against the door in defeat, "Of all people Cloud, I never thought that you would hurt me the most."

Silence came from the other side of the door. That was all he was ever good at saying, nothing.

"Tifa I.. I can't take away what I've done," he began, "The past, I can't change it, but I can fix it," He paused, "I want to try, if you would let me."

She kept silent, hoping that he would continue. A simple 'sorry' wasn't enough, she needed an explanation. She needed to know why.

Why he left her crying alone all those nights. Why he never bothered to talk to her. Why he abandoned her to fend for herself, when she needed him the most. Why he broke his promise.

"This week, it's been different," his voice was different, "Someone helped me realize that I can't move on without forgiveness."

"From who Cloud? From Aeris? She's gone Cloud," she replied coldly.

"No not Aeris, From You," he answered.

"Why me?" she asked, "Why my forgiveness?"

What forgiveness did he want from her? Yes he hurt her, but why couldn't he move on without her forgiveness? Was there something that she was missing completely?

_Everytime we touch_

She reached for the knob slowly. The coolness of the metal knob awoke the nerves in her finger as she slid her hand over the bulge. She didn't open, but stood there just waiting. The silence awoke her thoughts where questions mingled in her mind soundlessly. She didn't know exactly what to do. To open or to leave it shut. Their future was in her hands now, or he could climb into the window. But the chances of that ever happening were one in a billion. It was up to her now.

Without much doubt, she turned the knob and opened the door. He stood there nervously; you could just see the trembles that escaped the edge of his fingers. His eyes were softer, gentler but sadden. Had he been crying? Blue eyes met those of brown. He didn't say anything but was aware of the tears that had fallen down her smooth cheeks.

"Because I let down the only person that matters to me the most," he answered easily.

She mattered to him? What ever happened to the 'not' caring side of Cloud? Did he finally open up his eyes and see? What took him so long? She searched his eyes for the truth, but instead she saw herself staring back. Was a part of her with him all along? Did he realize that too?

"What about Aeris? Doesn't Aeris matter too?" she asked.

He shook his head, "She was just a friend, but you, you're more than just a friend. You understood me more than anyone ever could."

"Oh.." she trailed her voice off till it reached silence.

He reached forward and grasped her in a tight embrace in which she stood still. She could feel his body trembling and a warm trail of water sliding down her neck. Was he crying? Was he finally letting go?

"Tifa I'm so sorry," he blurted out quietly. "I never meant to make you cry."

She had been so hard on him with shouting at him like that. Who would have known that it would affect him this badly. Besides, he did kind of deserve every word. Then again she felt bad for making him cry. He wasn't a man who cried much, and when he did, he only cried for something so big.

_I get this feeling_

She shifted her hand around him, and held him closer. She had to admit, the warmth was inviting. The comforting warmth that he gave her was unique, it wasn't much like the hug she had with Barret, or even Cid. Cloud, he was different, he always would be different. She let her hand clasp the back of his neck, and her other hand around his waist. Why did this seem so perfect?

"Could you ever forgive me?" she heard him whisper.

"It will take a while," she answered with a small smile on her lips.

"If I ever leave again," he began, "You're coming with me."

"Well thank you for that invitation, I just might take your offer," she laughed softly.

Her laugh faded when she felt warm lips touching the bare spot where her neck and shoulder met.

"Someone made me realize all along that I've always loved you Tifa," she heard his whisper.

"Ohh..Who?" she asked.

"Aeris, I talk to her and Zac often, they led me here to you," he answered, his lips brushing against her neck a few times as he spoke.

She caught his face in her hands and pulled back. "Are you going to kiss my neck all day or will you kiss me on the lips?" she asked sarcastically.

She saw a smile brewing on his lips in the moment as she waited patiently.

His kiss was softer than any feather she had ever touched. It was hard to imagine how gentle he could be, when on the battle field, he could kill a thousand beasts. His touch radiated around her neck and for once, she felt herself smiling again. That same old smile that she hadn't seen for so long. She could feel him pulling her closer, and she had to admit, it was warm in his hold. She was lost in his arms, just like she was lost in her own heart.

_Everytime we kiss, I swear I can fly. _

Love had never been there; then again he wasn't there either. But now, he was here, and he was here to stay. She had loved him all along, and it didn't take this moment to make her realize that. She was too caught up in thinking that she didn't. But somewhere inside her heart, there was one placed where she belonged, and that was with him. In a place where her heart could find wholeness, it was with him.

He pressed another kiss or two at her lips and drew back, "Tifa I..."

"Cloud I don't know why, but I can't forgive you even if I tried," she said softly. "To forgive is to forget, and I don't really want to forget. I love you just as you are, even without forgiveness."

He smiled warmly and pulled her closer. "Forgiveness doesn't make me love you any less," he said softly.

_Can you feel my heart beat fast? _

"It doesn't make me love you any more," she smirked.

His smile faded as he dipped his head down for another kiss. His eyes locked onto hers as they kissed again, he drew back slowly and added "I um..I heard what you said about having children."

She searched deep into his blue eyes and finally, saw herself staring back. "What about children?" she asked.

"I'd like that," he smiled.

"With you.."

_I want this to last, I need you by my side.  
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As she watched the stars that night, she didn't see yellow blinking lights. Or the peaceful serenity that it left drifting in her emotions. She saw him in those yellow blinking lights, an endless array of him, Cloud Strife. The man who had grown from a small boy to a lover who would only ever win her heart. Her heart had linked with his, and even though that was impossible, nothing was impossible when you dream. Because when you dream, you see more than what you can possible believe. Beyond that she saw a road to another beginning, not the end. There was never an end, only the beginning to a new story.

_Everytime we touch._

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A/N:** Hmm.. I hope you liked it. This story came about when I was avoiding studying for my exams the other day. Although I should really be studying because I'm in grade 11, and so I only get one more chance (which is next year) to get good marks, and I should begin with getting good marks now. Anyway, hehe, enough about me avoiding what I'm supposed to do. I hope you enjoy it. The song "Everytime we touch" by Cascanda, inspired me to write this. There are parts of the lyrics that I have blended into the story.. I'm sure you picked them out. _


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